Best of Luck
Monday, May 11, 2015
When An IIT Aspirant Who Did Not Make The Cut-Off Asked If Suicide Is An Option, Strangers On Quora Had The Most Amazing Answers - Huffington Post
When An IIT Aspirant Who Did Not Make The Cut-Off Asked If Suicide Is An Option, Strangers On Quora Had The Most Amazing Answers
HuffPost India | By Rituparna ChatterjeePosted: 10/05/2015 14:23 IST
You constantly hear about the worst forms of abuse on the Internet — rape and death threats, victim bashing, bullying and misogyny — from anonymous trolls. Anonymity and the cover it offers abusers is thought as one of the main deterrent to online debate where opinions are jealously defended and a counterview is attacked.
But when an anonymous user posted a desolate message on Quora saying he is afraid to inform his dad about his poor marks in an entrance exam and is contemplating suicide, a bunch of complete strangers, some anonymous, rallied around fantastically to guide and comfort him.
Some of the advice this user received was pure gold.
This was the OP's message.
To which comments kept pouring in.
This user who's been there.
Then this anon who is an inspiration to all.
Let me tell you my story!
I had been a good student among the toppers during school days till 8th. I entered the 9th standard, life seemed tougher, had a few friends leave school and had a tough time with the assholes in the class. I managed somehow to clear my 10th exams with 64%.
During the 12th exams, I studied till 12 at night got up at 3am with the help of a neighbor friend, whose mom used to wake him up at 3am and so I slept at this place to get up early. My family didn't realize that I needed a peaceful place to study. I studied in the kitchen hearing sounds of tv serials, cricket match and family discussions, making it hard to focus my mind. All this hard work and I fell ill during the board exams. I somehow managed to give both the Maths exams which were at the end. And just managed the passing marks. In the CET entrance I scored a good 140/200 but had only 49.3% in the PCM group, throwing me out of the engineering race. I had to tell my father, despite his huge hopes on me. He took it well!
I joined the Page on b.sc(Computer Science) course. Due to my low percentage, my father had to pay extra to get me the admission through management quota to get into college. It was a shame for me, because my father had worked really hard and could barely manage the family expenses. The fact that he had to get me admission that way, hurt me bad. Made me angry on self, I had to put the anger at the right place by working harder. The sad story continued, I found it hard to make some good friends at college, despite a good personality and decent sense of humor. The people just didn't fit my criteria of good friendship, even though I made good bulks of friends, had nothing as a close friend. Worked hard, really hard! Studied at a local library, or on the terrace also on the terrace steps, it felt more homely. Most of the times at night, in the kitchen, with health issues like severe acidity and backpain by staying up late. A good gift, I had gotten was a USB HP MP3 Player 256MB, from a cousin, which gave me the pleasure of listening to music while I studied, Music worked as a medium to cut down noise from the outer sources, since then. I hardly, remember studying without my earphones on. (Even though the player broke down, I keep it as a memory, with the earphones :P)
What was the result of all this? I failed. And it broke me like something, didn't come out of my room entire day of the result and didn't wanted to come out for a long duration, I felt the same way you must be feeling, should I end it and how would I tell Dad. It was unbearable and whatever I had dream't of myself, all felt in vain. When my dad was back home, he saw the report card. After a hefty day of work, he managed the patience to talk to me. He just told me a few words "You failed, but your limbs, still exist. Your brain is the same, you can choose to work with me in the business, give your efforts there, change your stream, go for Commerce and make it easier for yourself, You shouldn't punish yourself with something stupid, like even staying quiet", he added this gem of a line, which supports me everyday "No situation is bigger, than you, you are bigger than every situation, situations just make you realize this, you will know when you get through the end of this journey".
As we grow older, our parents do too. They too learn parenthood day-in and day-out. If you can't realize this and would just be in the fear of him being angry on you. Imagine the fear he would have to send you on your first day to school or your first cycle ride or a motorcycle ride. Once you grow up, its your responsibility too, to show them the right thing, if you are certain that they might take it wrong.
With torments of a lot of people. Friends that I had to leave behind. Seeing the decline of myself in front of my eyes everyday. And depression at a young age. I didn't chose to change the stream, instead, I went on with what I had chosen for myself my Page on b.sc(Computer Science) degree. I had been alone at home for 6months till I could give the first attempt to clear the subjects I had flunked in, C2, M1, M2, M3, E2. I checked what was wrong in me, and I found that I had too much of exam fear, I had good deal (I should say excellent, because I have tutored friends who were among the toppers in a few subjects) of understanding of all the subjects but just couldn't put it on the exam sheets. I worked on this day in day out, alone without support(I have been shy always of letting my feelings to my parents or even friends. So never shared much really!). Cleared 4 subjects and was left out on C2 which happened to be on the day of my birthday and I suffered from Flu which left me in bed for 3 days.
Those days were the worst days that I have seen till date. A 17 Yr old alone at home, afraid of meeting people because he would hear torments. I chose to join a BPO, worked there for 3 months, made friends had some time working well, had 500 outbound calls a day, it was frustrating, because out of all those calls only 50 would be answered and 49 would hang up, before you say a word. But that gave me peace in a way. I was making sense to myself and learning the world better. Those experiences of the BPO even help me today. Then came the date for the second attempt to clear the remaining subject. I cleared it scored a good near distinction figure.
Rejoined college had distinction throughout, went on with my Page on m.sc degree, hadn't been great here just managed to clear it through with a aggregate 60% that too due to good performance in the last semester. The gem in all this, and this was my triumph, I was the first one to get through the campus despite just meeting the criteria of the company that I was chosen for(It is one of the best startups in India), this was a day all the pain had gone away, like me coming out of a COMA. I just remember the happiness on my dad's face when I told him, I had got the job. I had been given a perk and congratulated by the HR "Welcome to XYZ". Those were 8 hard hours and a competition between 300 odd students. I was among the 3 who got selected and was the first one to be handed the offer letter. I had been paid handsomely, giving the ability to support my family.
All my life I had dream't of this. So, the dream that had gone to vain when I failed, reincarnated this day.
Let me tell you another twist, A few days back I lost my job in the current company. I am the one who takes care of the family completely now. With responsibility of 5 people on my shoulders. But those words by my dad still make me forget the pain and make me work hard. "No situation is bigger, than you, you are bigger than every situation, situations just make you realize this, you will know when you get through the end of this journey". I had told him even this time and another gem came from him, "You did it once, you will do it again. There's no point in me being tensed, because you know the importance of responsibilities and you must have it in a higher degree.I
I know I would make it through even this time. Even if I don't I wouldn't choose to commit suicide. Why? I have seen a father lose a kid, it was my friend who died. I saw his father lifting his dead body and not shedding a tear till my friend's uncle arrived. In fact, he consoled the rest of the people crying, saying "It happens". That father was a handicap and this was his eldest son to support him. The worst misery anyone can face is seeing his child die. If you are not one of those selfish people who doesn't care about his family and chose to die, think again your 1, 2 or 3yrs of hard work might have failed you, but if you chose to commit suicide, you fail their 23-24 years of unselfish hard work of your parents.
Wish you luck dude and hope you make it through with great colors!
You said it, Tamal.
This believer of gallows humour with his heart in the right place.
This winning answer.
And some sound advice from Pulin Agarwal.
Hii, i don't know you who you are and what made you think this but if you are reading this then I can assure you that you will find your answers soon.
1) What first of all I want to ask you is do you really like technology and want to understand what it can do or just following the sheep. If your answer is no then there is no point of giving your life for something you never wanted and putting everyone else in guilt after you. But if your answer is yes then don't you think this decision of your's would take you so far form your passion that you would never be able to follow what you always wanted to do.
2) I'm assuming that you already have dropped the idea of giving up and now your dad also be knowing about all this thing but still if it isn't true then don't worry and go ahead. Tell him and promise him that you will never think about dying again and will give your 100%. Trust me you are getting a big hug after that. :) :)
3) Now getting into an IIT is a good thing but I would not say its the best thing which can happen to an engineering aspirant. What IITs offer you is good infrastructure and some experienced teachers but not necessarily the motivated ones who can channelize that zeal into you. If you really want to explore the beauty of the course then don't just run away. Either stand straight for the next year or join some decent college and start learning things. Every day then you will get some new experience and a new idea will pop out of your mind. Remember those ideas and try to implement them. never think you lack resources because today the greatest resource in the Internet and the process of finding the solution will make you learn more.
4) Now since you were brave enough to join the battle and doing it the real way then let me tell you something IITs are not IITs because of something magical in them. But the people who work day and night over there make them IITs. So all you need to do is to let the fire of passion inside you burning and take maximum opportunities from the place you are. Good companies don't bother if you are from IIT or IIN (pun intended) they only look for skills.
5) Now four years are completed and you are having a hell lot of options apart form campus placements and if you really want to explore more MS is for you. They will let you follow your dream project and let you do things your way. You can join your beloved IITs or something even better IISC for MTech or if you opted for MS then as a Astt. Professor after you complete your PhD.
6) Entrepreneurship is also an option where you can follow what you want to do in life and can even employ IITians. :P :P (Nothing against anyone).
Finally what I want to say is there are a lot of ways of doing things and failure is not something which is killing you dreams but once you give up you are the one who is actually killing them.
Best of Luck
Best of Luck
There anon, you've got your answer.
(The date when this was posted could not be confirmed. The cut-off score for eligibility for JEE (Advanced) is 105 out of 360 this year.)